"Xoxo", he texted. And I thought about how I said that to you once before and you said it back... reluctantly I'm sure.
So I didn't wrote it back. Not just because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't.
Sometimes I'll let somebody hurt me until I find the next person I'm willing to let destroy me. Not that I want to be destroyed or expect it...well now I kinda do. And I say I let them because I do, I let them. I allow them to continuously hurt me by replaying what went wrong, what I did wrong, where I went wrong over and over and over again. They're not hurting me anymore at this point, I'm hurting myself.
Why does it hurt so much I keep wondering? I wasn't in love with you...but I'll admit I wanted to be. At one point I guess. I've felt heartache worse than this before, the excruciating, wanting to die kind of heart break. This time was different though because of the indifference, the coldness of the cut off.
I knew you wouldn't come back to me. You didn't know me, you hadn't felt me..maybe physically, but not emotionally. I wonder if you ever felt anybody emotionally. I think not, you seem skilled at detachment.
You moved on and I was still stuck. Running in circles like a dog chasing its tail. Waking up everyday to a constant alarm in my brain screaming at me , "You're not good enough, you're just not enough."
I hope when you look in the mirror you no longer tell your self that your not good enough for him, because you are more than enough. Please stop measurinng yourself for someone else. because at the end of the day, or life for that matter, are you good enough for you?
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