"Xoxo", he texted. And I thought about how I said that to you once before and you said it back... reluctantly I'm sure.
So I didn't wrote it back. Not just because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't.
Sometimes I'll let somebody hurt me until I find the next person I'm willing to let destroy me. Not that I want to be destroyed or expect it...well now I kinda do. And I say I let them because I do, I let them. I allow them to continuously hurt me by replaying what went wrong, what I did wrong, where I went wrong over and over and over again. They're not hurting me anymore at this point, I'm hurting myself.
Why does it hurt so much I keep wondering? I wasn't in love with you...but I'll admit I wanted to be. At one point I guess. I've felt heartache worse than this before, the excruciating, wanting to die kind of heart break. This time was different though because of the indifference, the coldness of the cut off.
I knew you wouldn't come back to me. You didn't know me, you hadn't felt me..maybe physically, but not emotionally. I wonder if you ever felt anybody emotionally. I think not, you seem skilled at detachment.
You moved on and I was still stuck. Running in circles like a dog chasing its tail. Waking up everyday to a constant alarm in my brain screaming at me , "You're not good enough, you're just not enough."
