Falling Off Cliffs...

Sometimes I'm not sure if I was pushed off,
I accidentally fell,
or I voluntarily jumped

"I feel like my life is deteriorating", I said to him (something I've said a lot in the past couple of months)
"Why, because you broke up with your boyfriend?", he replied
"No, because I'm just not where I thought I should be at this point in my life."
"Well I think this has all really humbled you, you're the coolest you've ever been Shauna."

Then I went home and threw up Carls Jr. in the shower from drinking too much in the past couple of days.

Guess that's cool though.

Outlines

Relationships are like puzzles,
at first every piece fits together perfectly,
but after awhile the pieces go missing
and it's never quite right again.

"I wanna feel like those girls in the movies"

Consciously as females we know that love isn't like what it's portrayed to be in the movies, but subconsciously I think deep down we think there is a slight chance that it could be. Unfortunately I have come to the realization that this is not the case, no matter how hard my little heart wishes it to be. Nobody will ever run after you in an airport, to the train, on the streets. After walking away, he won't look over his shoulder for you, he won't run after you, he won't care. The guy that hurt your feelings, abandoned you and shattered you.. well he won't see his mistakes, he won't apologize, and after a couple weeks he won't even remember your face... no matter how beautiful and the more desperate you are the uglier you become. He won't hold you when you cry, he won't tell you that everything will be alright. There is no knight in shining armor, there's just fucked up emotions and dealing with your own pain. Nobody will be there to catch you when you fall and if that's what you depend on then you'll break your neck falling on empty concrete.

"Practice losing farther, losing faster"

Have you ever loved somebody so much that it hurts? Not a good hurt, but a small aching pain, that presents itself in every moment of weakness you incur. It hurts when you’re not with them, but it hurts when you are. You hurt each other, you hurt your friends, you hurt your families.  The hurting starts out small, but eventually grows into a fire that you cannot contain, taking out everything in its way until all that’s left is the ashes of what remains.
 Nothing. 
It’s like screaming, but when you open your mouth there’s no sound. It’s like wanting to crawl out of  your body and becoming nothing. It’s like getting lost and then drowning in a lonely lake. It’s like dying and nobody even remembering your name.  They never tell you what it’s like to experience real pain. It hurts when you sleep, it hurts when you eat, it hurts when you breathe.